YG&B's Amended and Restated Senate Resolution

While we are passing toothless resolutions, I propose a new, Amended and Restated Senate Resolution:

I. We, the United States Senate, besides being sorry about ignoring lynching for the span of almost 5000 lives, are also sorry for the centuries of suspicion and imputed guilt piled upon people who had had the nerve to be born colored and/or poor. Such circumstances of unjustified suspicion may continue to occur, but we hereby resolve to be apologetic for them each and every time.

II. We apologize for a history of meanness and ill manners toward people who are not of Anglo-Saxon descent and who do not have Western European accents.

III. We apologize for never giving the poor and dispossessed the one thing they need that doesn’t cost a thing: the benefit of the doubt.

IV. We promise to try to enliven the concept of innocent until proven guilty in our system of criminal justice for all defendants, including the poor and non-celebrity coloreds. While we admit to having a national obsession with the gritty acting and good old-fashioned storytelling of shows such as NYPD Blue and Law & Order, we recognize that in a democracy, police officers and district attorneys must not treat all suspects with the contempt due an admitted child molester.

V. We understand that we live in a real country with unrealistically difficult ideals handed down by our forefathers and greatest thinkers, yet we also understand that our humble nation is at its best when it strives towards those ideals and at its worst when it slips into arrogant idleness.

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